Monthly Archives: December 2012

Why Online Dating is Murdering my Soul

Dear Matt,

Since we agreed that despite our perfect personalities for each other, that we will always be horrible as anything more than friends, I’ve rediscovered online dating. Or rather, I’ve started to wonder if an insane asylum is a better choice for how to spend the next few months of my life.

I am consistently fascinated by the average American male and his inability to use the words “your” and “you’re” correctly. This is almost as shocking as “their”, “there” and “they’re” but more common and therefore more ingrained in my psyche.  As frustrating as grammatical issues are, they are in no way as frustrating as something such as this: hI BOO. U R hawt. Wanna fuq?

I’m sorry…but was that a language I should have studied in college?

Perhaps I should happily choose to live my life among books rather than among men who would not be sure if they should “stair at me across a crded rum”  or “fall down the stares” to get to know me.

Sincerely,

The Girl Your Should Acknowledge Is Your Soulmate…asshole

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My Cat Does not Fear Daleks

Dear Matt,

Maybe giving me a desktop Dalek for my birthday was a bad idea. I’ve been using it to torment her all day.

She will not be exterminated.Image

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Do You Want to Sign A Petition?

Me: Want to sign a petition to classify Westboro Baptist Church as a hate group?

Matt: Yes, but I wonder if it has any legal bearing

Me: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/legally-recognize-westboro-baptist-church-hate-group/DYf3pH2d  White house legit enough?

Matt: You should have said that while throwing some sort of case-winning evidence folder onto a large mahogany table with bad ass lawyer folder throwing skills.

Me: Oh, in my head I totally did.

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Awkward Crayons

Dear Matt,

 

These seem like the would have been your crayons as a child.

 

Inappropriate Crayons

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